Planning a Día de los Muertos party: the ofrenda, the music, the food

A Día de los Muertos party is the only party I know where the guest list includes people who cannot come. You set a place for them anyway. That is the whole idea, and once you understand it, the rest of the planning falls into order: the ofrenda first, the music second, and the food, which has to be good enough for the living and worthy of the dead. I have hosted this evening at home for years and cooked for dozens of them in Richardson, Plano, and Dallas, and this is the plan I hand to anyone doing it for the first time.

The short answer: Build the ofrenda a day or two before November 1 with photos, marigolds, candles, and the food the departed loved. Ask each guest to bring one photo. Play mariachi and the songs your people sang. Serve tamales as the main dish, two to three per living guest plus a plate for the altar, with pan de muerto and hot chocolate to finish.

My grandmother used to say the marigolds were the map and the tamales were the reason to follow it. She was not wrong.

Start with the ofrenda

The ofrenda is the altar, and it is the center of the party the way a Christmas tree is the center of Christmas morning. Everything else happens around it. Build it before you plan anything else, because its size decides where the guests stand, where the food goes, and how the evening flows.

What goes on it

• Photographs. Real ones, framed or propped, of the people you are remembering. This is the one thing that cannot be skipped.
• Marigolds. Cempasúchil, the orange flower whose scent is said to guide the dead home. Fresh if you can get them, paper if you cannot. Scatter petals in a path from the door to the altar.
• Candles. One for each person remembered, traditionally, plus a few extra for the ones nobody has a photo of.
• Water and salt. Water for the thirst of the journey, salt to purify. A glass and a small dish.
• Papel picado. The cut-paper banners that represent the wind and the fragility of life. String them across the front of the altar.
• Sugar skulls and pan de muerto. The sweets of the holiday. Write the names of the departed on the foreheads of the skulls.
• Their things. A grandfather’s hat, a sister’s lipstick, a pack of the cigarettes a favorite uncle would not give up. Objects that say “we know who you were.”
• Their food and drink. The plate they would have wanted. In my family that is a plate of tamales, and I explain why in why tamales go on the Día de los Muertos altar.

Where and when

Put it where guests will pass it on their way in, not in a back room. A table against a wall with a couple of boxes under a cloth gives you the tiered look. Set it up a day or two ahead so it is finished when the first candle is lit on the night of November 1. Traditionally November 1 is for children who have died and November 2 for adults, but a home party usually covers both on one evening, and nobody will correct you.

Who to invite, and what to tell them

Invite the way you would for any family party, and add one line to the invitation: bring a photo of someone you have lost, and a story about them. That single sentence changes the evening. Guests arrive with something to contribute, they place it on the ofrenda themselves, and by the time the food comes out, everyone in the room has been introduced to everyone else’s grandmother.

Say clearly that it is not a Halloween party. No costumes unless a guest has a genuine Catrina outfit and wants to honor the tradition; face paint in the style of the sugar skull is fine if it is done with respect. And say that it is joyful. First-timers tend to arrive somber, and the fastest way to fix that is music and a full plate.

The music for a Día de los Muertos party

The music is the second thing people ask me about, and it is easier than they think, because the rule is the same as for the ofrenda: play what your people loved. That said, there are songs every Mexican family would expect to hear.

• “La Llorona.” The song of the weeping woman, and the one most people associate with the holiday. Any of the classic recordings will stop the room.
• “Amor Eterno.” Juan Gabriel wrote it for his mother, and it is the song families play for the dead. Expect tears. That is the point.
• “Cielito Lindo” and the ranchera standards. Everyone knows the chorus, everyone sings.
• Boleros and trios. Slow, romantic, and perfect for the hour when people are standing at the altar with a glass in their hand.
• Son jarocho. The harp-and-guitar music from Veracruz. Lively, and good for the eating part of the evening.
• The songs the departed loved. If Grandpa played the same three cumbias at every party, play them.

If there are children, the songs from the animated film about the holiday will be requested, and it is a good way to explain the tradition to them. If you can hire a mariachi trio for an hour, book them for the time when the food is out; a trio playing “Amor Eterno” while sixty people eat tamales is a memory nobody in the room will lose.

The food: for the living and for the remembered

Two menus, really, and they overlap. The altar gets a plate of what each person loved. The living get a meal that can sit on a table for a few hours, feed a crowd standing up, and taste like home. Tamales do both jobs better than anything else, which is why they are on nearly every ofrenda in Mexico and most of the ones in Texas.

The menu I plan

• Tamales. Pork in red salsa for the altar and the traditionalists, chicken breast in green tomatillo salsa for the lighter option. I send them roughly two to one. Both are on the menu, both are made with gluten-free corn masa, and both are big enough that one is a full meal.
• Mole or a pot of beans. Mole if someone in the family makes it; a pot of frijoles de la olla if not.
• Rice, salsas, crema. The plate needs them and so does the altar.
• Pan de muerto. The orange-scented bread with the bone shapes. Every Mexican bakery in Dallas makes it in late October.
• Hot chocolate, champurrado, atole. The drinks of the season. Coffee, and the tequila or mezcal the departed preferred.
• Fruit. Oranges, guavas, and sugarcane if you find it, for the altar and the table.

For the sides and drinks in more detail, my article on what to serve with tamales is the companion to this one.

How many tamales

Two to three per living guest is a generous party portion, because ours are large. Add a plate of four to six for the ofrenda and a dozen for the relatives who stay to talk. The tamales-per-person guide has the full arithmetic; the table below covers the usual sizes.

How the evening runs

1. Late afternoon: candles. Light the ofrenda before the first guest arrives. The room should smell of wax and marigolds when the door opens.
2. Arrival: photos go up. Guests place their photo and tell the story. Keep drinks near the altar so people linger there.
3. Early evening: the meal. Tamales come out of a covered pan or a low steamer, still in the husk, and stay hot for a couple of hours that way. Set the buffet away from the altar so the line does not block it; my guide to setting up a buffet line for tamales shows the order of the table.
4. After dinner: music and stories. This is when the trio plays, or the playlist goes up. Pan de muerto and hot chocolate come out now.
5. Late: the last candle. Some families leave the ofrenda lit overnight. Take the food off the altar at the end of the evening and discard what sat out for hours; the living eat from the kitchen, not the altar.

A Día de los Muertos party at the office or the school

Workplaces across north Texas have started holding observances, and I love it when they are done with care. The office version is a community ofrenda in the break room or lobby where employees add photos over a week, a short explanation of the tradition sent by email, and a shared lunch on November 1 or 2. Let the employees with Mexican roots lead if they want to, keep the altar respectful, and feed everyone something real.

A lunch of two tamales per person, delivered hot and labeled by filling, works in any conference room, and the gluten-free masa means nobody has to ask. The office catering page covers how a team lunch is delivered, and the holiday tamales page lists Día de los Muertos among the pre-orders, because the holiday opens the busiest season of my year. Schools and churches doing a larger observance should start on the parties and celebrations page.

Ready to plan your Día de los Muertos party?

Send me the date, the number of living guests, and whether you want a plate for the altar, and I will reply with a menu and a price from Maggie’s Tamales & Catering, usually the same business day. We deliver hot in an agreed window to homes, offices, schools, and churches in Richardson, Plano, Frisco, Allen, McKinney, and Dallas, and because the first days of November are the start of tamal season, the families who write in October get the day they want. Request a catering quote for your Día de los Muertos party and I will read it myself.

Frequently asked questions

How do you plan a Día de los Muertos party?

Build the ofrenda first, a day or two before November 1, with photos, marigolds, candles, water, salt, papel picado, sugar skulls, and the food the departed loved. Invite guests to bring a photo and a story. Plan music around mariachi standards and the songs your family sang. Serve a meal that holds on a table, usually tamales as the main dish with pan de muerto and hot chocolate after, and keep the mood joyful.

What food do you serve at a Day of the Dead party?

Tamales are the traditional main dish, on the altar and on the table, usually pork in red salsa and chicken in green salsa. Around them go mole or beans, rice, salsas, and crema, with pan de muerto, hot chocolate, champurrado, and fruit such as oranges and guavas to finish. The altar also holds the specific dishes and drinks each remembered person loved, which is the most personal part of the menu.

How many tamales do I need for a Día de los Muertos party of 20?

Plan two to three per living guest, since our tamales are large and one is a full meal, plus a plate of four to six for the ofrenda and a few for the relatives who stay late. For 20 guests that is about five dozen, or $300 at $60 per dozen. Order roughly two thirds pork in red salsa and one third chicken in green salsa so every guest has a choice.

What music is played at a Día de los Muertos celebration?

Mariachi standards lead: “La Llorona,” “Amor Eterno,” and “Cielito Lindo” are the songs most families expect. Boleros and trio music suit the quiet hour at the altar, son jarocho from Veracruz suits the meal, and the songs the departed loved belong on the list no matter what they are. If children are coming, the songs from the animated film about the holiday are a gentle way to explain the tradition.

Is a Día de los Muertos party the same as a Halloween party?

No. Halloween is a costume holiday built on fright; Día de los Muertos is a family holiday built on remembrance and joy, observed on November 1 and 2. The skulls are smiling because the dead are being welcomed home, not feared. Skip the costumes unless a guest wants to honor the tradition with a Catrina outfit, keep the ofrenda respectful, and set the tone with music and a warm meal.

Do you cater Día de los Muertos parties in Dallas and Plano?

Yes. Tamales are delivered hot, by the dozen, to homes, offices, schools, and churches across Dallas, Richardson, Plano, Frisco, Allen, and McKinney, labeled by filling, with salsas and serving spoons on request. Send a quote request with the date and the number of guests, and I will confirm the menu and price personally. Because the holiday opens tamal season, requests sent in October get the widest choice of days.